Tuesday, May 13, 2014

I give up

Who coined the phrase, "Don't Give Up"  I want to talk to him or her.  Tell him (probably was a him) that he ruined peoples live.  Sometimes you have to give up, and "bloom where you are planted"

Imagine the would-be singer, who spends all of his/life trying to be a singer, but never makes it.  How many years did she waste.  How much did she agonize, when maybe she just should have appreciated what she had.

This is what I give up:

I give up my dream of running of half-marathon.  For one thing, I am anemic.  I get tired, and quick.
I will exercise though, run/walk, but will stop beating myself up because I can't run 13 miles at a time.  I give up!

I give up getting over my fear of flying.  If I never fly anyplace else, then I will never fly any place else.    I am tired of struggling with my flying.  I tried; I went to counseling, but to no avail.  I don't know what else I can do.  I will drive or be driven places, but will not fly unless absolutely necessary.

I GIVE UP MY making a living with my publishing company.  I will still write of course because thats who I am.  But I WILL NOT stress about making it my full time job and selling stuff.  It just doesnt work and I am not going to make it work.   This is the biggest relief.

I GIVE UP thinking I am going to get those two jobs.  I am TIRED of stressing about it.  YOU here me.  I AM SCREAMING FROM THE ROOF TOP:  I am letting this go.  I am going to focus on making the best of this job...as best as I can.  With no expectation but to do a good job whether no one notices or not.  I will be thankful for this job that I have.  Making the best of this job and being glad that it is over in August.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Why Having Major Surgery is Easier than Flying (for me)

This morning over breakfast, my husband bought up the idea of our one year anniversary trip this summer.  He mentioned San Francisco and I froze for a minute.
While he ate his oatmeal, all I could think was "FIVE HOUR FLIGHT"  I imagined myself in a closed spaced thousands of feet up in the air feeling like I was going to die at any moment for FIVE HOURS and then how could I really enjoy my trip when I know I am going to have to come back.

And that got me to thinking.  My  five hour surgery (myomectomy) that I had last year was easier than that.

Let me tell you why:

1.  Anesthesia:  During your surgery, you are completely out of it.  I was in surgery for four or five hours and it was literally like I had blinked.

2.  Pain Meds-You are HIGH as KITE.  Yes, your body has been traumatized, but you don't even realize it.  I remember shortly after my surgery lying in the bed thinking life is truly wonderful, and I am at peace with the world.  Seriously? I had just been gutted, and I  had just gone through a break up and I thought life was wonderful.

3.  There are people who will take care of you.  I stayed with my mom for a month.  Really, I only needed to stay with her for a week BUT, I got really comfortable.  I was driving, walking a couple of miles,  and walking up stairs before I left my momma's house.

4. It is the only time in life where you can just be-You don't have to feel guilty about lying around all day.  Your only job is to mend.

So, um yeah,  flying seems a lot scarier than surgery.  There is no anesthesia in flying; you have to experience the whole excruciating five hours of fear.  There are no MEDS (well, maybe I could....)
And there is no one to take care of you, nobody cares.  My husband will just sit there watching something on his iPod and occasionally grab my hand and ask if I am okay.  And all the passengers will go on with their flight, while I suffer in silence.